Couples Counseling in San Antonio Can Help Willing Pairs Make It Work

Some experienced therapists prefer angry, boisterous couples over quiet and subdued ones who act like they’d rather be somewhere else. Where there’s energy, there is passion, and where there is passion, there is emotion. Sometimes, for couples undergoing marriage counseling in San Antonio, TX, emotion holds the key to a resolution. For an energetic and loving couple to be reduced to cold, lifeless shells is a tragedy because it is difficult, if not impossible, to revive lifelessness. It doesn’t take a counselor to point out these signs of life in your relationship. Whether within the sessions at Sherwood Couples Counseling or outside of them, these “signs of life” will manifest themselves if you are both willing to go beyond yourselves to make the relationship right again.
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Sweet Nothings Build Trust

We all know that trust is the basic and most vital foundation of a strong relationship and that once trust is broken it becomes extremely difficult to rebuild. Difficult, yes! Impossible, no! In a committed relationship we all need to trust and to be trusted.

 Rebuilding trust can take years, especially if there have been traumatic events such as physical abuse, drug and alcohol abuse or infidelities. These events strike at the very core foundations of trust and even though the abusive behaviors end, they cast shadows of doubt and uncertainty well into the future with both the fear and the anxiety that they might happen again.

 Yes, rebuilding trust is difficult and it usually requires the help and guidance of a skilled professional to lead the way. But there are some simple things that couples can do now, on their own and they require no professional guidance at all, just a sense of caring for your partner and a desire and intention to do something that will please them and “lighten their load.”

According to psychologist, John Gottman, an author, researcher and highly respected expert in relationships, trust is built in very small moments. John Gottman calls these moments “sliding door moments” where in an unplanned moment we do or say something that affirms the presence of the other person and in that moment we reinforce, in small and big ways the very trust we intend to build.

In laymen’s terms we might call these “small” actions “Sweet Nothings”, those little actions that become big actions because we do them spontaneously, not out of urgency or necessity but out thoughtfulness and intention, knowing that these signs of caring communicate our intention and desire to be with the person we love. Over time, these little moments, these “Sweet Nothings” help to sustain the trust we’ve built and they help to rebuild the trust we’ve lost.

 John Gottman says that in any interaction we have with our partner, there is a possibility of connecting or disconnecting: we either turn toward our partner or we turn away. Imagine that it’s 5 minutes before your favorite TV program. You’ve been anticipating it with great expectations and you notice that your partner is sad and appears to be troubled. What do you do? Do you turn toward your favorite program, or turn off the TV and turn toward your partner?

Choosing to listen to your partner is a “sliding door moment.” It's a chance, an opportunity for you to build trust by choosing to be there and an opportunity to “turn toward” your partner instead of "turning away."

Remember that “Sweet Nothings” come in many forms and often at the least predictable times. You’ll recognize them by seeing the opportunity where you can choose to "turn toward your partner in a special way or by choosing to do something that you don’t really have to do, knowing that it will please them and put a smile on their face and in the end, make a small moment just a little bit brighter.

If you need more help in building or rebuilding trust Sherwood Couples Counseling can help. You'll find us on the web at www.sherwoodcouplescounseling.com 

Sherwood Couples Counseling: building skills, providing hope!

Marriage Counseling: The Way of Compromise

Married couples are sure to know a thing or two about the feeling of being on the losing side of an argument. This is a situation wherein an individual’s sense of reason is more often than not trumped by frustration, as told in the The Gottman Institute relationship blog. Most married couples find it really difficult to wiggle their way out a messy squabble. Still, there’s hope of managing all conflict, and it’s summed up in one word: compromise.

Contrary to popular belief, compromise doesn’t always mean that one loses and one wins. This is a common misconception that hinders most couples’ ability to compromise with each other, mostly because people are often used to deciding based on their own satisfaction.

Relationship Tips for a Happy Love Life

Relationships make or break a person. Let’s face it; we all need affection, intimacy, understanding, and belongingness from another special human being. We crave something very different than the love from our family and friends. However, as we start to form relationships and grow as a person, we make mistakes. We may regret being with the wrong person or regret the things we did or that we could have done better to make things work with that very special person. But in spite of the mistakes you may have made along the way, there are some very positive things that you can do now, to make your relationship better today! 

Quick Tips from the Gottman Research

For years, The Gottman Method has been helping couples improve the quality of their relationships by teaching innovative scientifically-based techniques that improve the quality of the communication and which ultimately lower the level of relationship conflict. Here are some of the Gottman techniques that are used by Sherwood Couples Counseling. You can apply them now!

1. Think before you speak. Most of the time, arguments and fights spiral out of control, not because of the issue itself, but because of the emotional attitude and tone of voice. Instead of confronting your partner in an angry manner, soften your approach. Raising your complaints and concerns gently and respectfully will help both of you listen and stay open to the problem so that you can solve it faster and more effectively.

2. Appreciate the contributions of your partner. Focus on the bright side by recognizing and expressing appreciation for the positive things your partner does. Cultivating the habit of appreciation lets your partner know that you are mindful of their contributions and helps maintain a healthy loving connection between both of you.

3. Learn to listen. Listening is a skill and learning to listen patiently and willingly will help you learn to accept the influence of your partner, especially in the areas that are really important to your partner. Consider that your listening is a gift that lets your partner know you care and that you understand. Being open to the ideas and opinions of your partner not only helps you understand your partner’s wants and needs; it also helps you recognize and appreciate the rich differences that make your relationship special and unique. Listen fully and completely before you object and say no and let your partner speak without interruption. It might sometimes be exciting to follow your partner’s lead, even if you don’t completely agree.

Remember, there are no perfect relationships and that problems and their solutions vary from couple to couple. Try using these 3 quick tips to boost the energy in your relationship. If you need more help, call us at Sherwood Couples Counseling. We are committed to improving the quality of lives by improving the quality of relationships.

Sherwood Couples Counseling: building skills, providing hope!

Intensive Couples Therapy: Your Last Resort

We all know that trust is the basic and most vital foundation of a strong relationship and that once trust is broken it becomes extremely difficult to rebuild. Difficult, yes! Impossible, no! In a committed relationship we all need to trust and to be trusted.

Rebuilding trust can take years, especially if there have been traumatic events such as physical abuse, drug and alcohol abuse or infidelities. These events strike at the very core foundations of trust and even though the abusive behaviors end, they cast shadows of doubt and uncertainty well into the future with both the fear and the anxiety that they might happen again.

 

Yes, rebuilding trust is difficult and it usually requires the help and guidance of a skilled professional to lead the way. But there are some simple things that couples can do now, on their own and they require no professional guidance at all, just a sense of caring for your partner and a desire and intention to do something that will please them and “lighten their load.”

According to psychologist, John Gottman, an author, researcher and highly respected expert in relationships, trust is built in very small moments. John Gottman calls these moments “sliding door moments” where in an unplanned moment we do or say something that affirms the presence of the other person and in that moment we reinforce, in small and big ways the very trust we intend to build.

In laymen’s terms we might call these “small” actions “Sweet Nothings”, those little actions that become big actions because we do them spontaneously, not out of urgency or necessity but out thoughtfulness and intention, knowing that these signs of caring communicate our intention and desire to be with the person we love. Over time, these little moments, these “Sweet Nothings” help to sustain the trust we’ve built and they help to rebuild the trust we’ve lost.

John Gottman says that in any interaction we have with our partner, there is a possibility of connecting or disconnecting: we either turn toward our partner or we turn away. Imagine that it’s 5 minutes before your favorite TV program. You’ve been anticipating it with great expectations and you notice that your partner is sad and appears to be troubled. What do you do? Do you turn toward your favorite program, or turn off the TV and turn toward your partner?

Choosing to listen to your partner is a “sliding door moment.” It's a chance, an opportunity for you to build trust by choosing to be there and an opportunity to “turn toward” your partner instead of "turning away."

Remember that “Sweet Nothings” come in many forms and often at the least predictable times. You’ll recognize them by seeing the opportunity where you can choose to "turn toward your partner in a special way or by choosing to do something that you don’t really have to do, knowing that it will please them and put a smile on their face and in the end, make a small moment just a little bit brighter.

If you need more help in building or rebuilding trust Sherwood Couples Counseling can help. You'll find us on the web at www.sherwoodcouplescounseling.com 

Sherwood Couples Counseling: building skills, providing hope! 

Counseling in San Antonio: An Empty Nest is a Time for Rediscovery

When the kids finally leave home to pursue college or start their own family, couples in Texas find themselves in a situation usually referred to as “empty nest” syndrome. While some couples see this as an opportunity to do new and novel activities, others find themselves at odds—and sometimes divorced. Counseling in San Antonio could benefit the couples who are having a challenge in this new stage in their life. Times Herald’s Nicole Hayden writes how living in an empty nest gives couples a chance to spread their wings. Empty nest syndrome changes the daily lives of couples and single parents. Some parents may divorce because they were only staying together for their children's sakes, while others may take the opportunity to relight the spark.
http://sherwoodcouplescounseling.com/counseling-san-antonio-empty-nest-time-rediscovery/

Hope for Couples in Conflict

The journey of every marriage inevitably takes all couples onto the ‘rocky roads’ of conflict. Some couples choose to tread the rough and rocky pathway together, and through skillful listening and patient communication, they are able to stay together no matter how bumpy and difficult the road gets. Others, however, are left behind by their partners and many, after they have tripped and fallen with painful emotional wounds, find themselves lost in a world where they are alone and unable to trust.

The Conflicts

What many couples don’t realize is that most problems (whether grounded in the past or related to current circumstances) can actually be solved. When couples learn to shift their communication from a “debate” to a dialogue of patient, willing and respectful listening, and where emotions can be safely expressed and validated, they re-energize the emotional connections that once drew them together. Without this respectful dialogue, couples stay locked into the never-ending debates that over time perpetuate the deepening emotional resentments that have come between them. Some couples will divorce, others will resign themselves to the quiet misery of a joyless marriage and still others will act out through aggressive and emotionally abusive behaviors such as overeating, excessive use of alcohol and drugs and damaging infidelities that only further damage the friendship and the trust that they once had.

The Hope

Sherwood Couples Counseling specializes in helping couples in high-conflict relationships to begin the dialogue that will ultimately lead you and your partner back to a point of resolution, and re-commitment and where new skills in listening and communicating will help you see a bright future of hope rather than the unhappy prospect of living with the resignation and emotional avoidance of an unhappy and joyless marriage.

Turn back to the vows you made on your wedding day. While there is life, there is still hope that you will yet find the warmth, the friendship, the closeness and the trust of a fulfilled and happy marriage.

Sherwood Couples Counseling is both skilled and committed toward the goal of guiding couples through the healing process so that they can rediscover the emotional connections that once brought them together. Our intensive and marathon approaches will help you and your partner break through relationship roadblocks by rediscovering your friendship and developing healthier and more effective styles of communication.

Through these therapies, you will also discover your own core values, the values you and your partner have formed together and the values that you and your partner will build on to achieve a truly happy and fulfilled relationship.

You may have been stuck in a very difficult place for a very long time, and no matter your age or the state of your relationship, it’s not too late to get back on track, to reconnect to the lost, forgotten, and unspoken dreams that you are longing to experience and which first drew you together.