The Rules of Engagement – Having Fights

When two people with different personalities, needs, and wants become a couple, there is bound to be some conflict. That’s why marriage counselors advise couples that the real challenge for them isn’t having fewer fights; it’s getting through them constructively.

Conflict management

Successful couples acknowledge that since conflict is inevitable, they must learn to manage it and learn to work out their differences by understanding each other and working together for a solution.

No to power-tripping

Being older, more experienced, or dominant in personality is not a license to be right all the time. Part of making a relationship work means treating the other as an equal, regardless of how strong the need is to win the argument.

Listen with an attitude of acceptance

In fights, the tendency is to let pride rule. Lower all defenses and weigh what your partner is saying, if you want to be heard as well. Being defensive will only detract from the issue and drag it out further.

Take time out

When the discussion gets too heated, back off and cool down. Statements like, “I’m getting too frustrated right now. I need some time to think about what you said. Let’s get back together in an hour” acknowledge that although you may not understand your partner’s point of view right at that moment, at least you are not being dismissive of it.

In the end, managing your conflict will validate your willingness to resolve disagreements by communicating with understanding, and not with physical and verbal abuse.